The Fabled Fate of Tumbleweeds

"Long bound by earthly rage, Now freed by natures sage" the dreams of rustbelts and railyardghosts circa 2-11-25

My dearest darlings, sweet silly flowers, beloved mystic friends, ethereonauts, psychonauts, strangels, and homies;

I wish to beg of you a boone to spare

or an ear to lend

in open-heartfelt listening

for but one more moment

before we depart this space in time…

Lord knows I’m doomed to ramble just as much as my soul is bound to roam

And if these sounds should be

but the ravings of a madman & delusions of grandeur, then

let them be

nothing

more

For heavy is the burdensome weight of my heart

And if I should be denied

the pleasureful exchange

of meeting your sweet ears

with such ambrosia

then I shall accept my fate just as well

but

…

Remember the potency of these magic words:

“Yes, No, & Fuck” “Yes in that order”

For I will only speak this into existence but this once

Should I be met in misunderstanding & uncertainty

Then so be it, Ashe

For I know without a reasonable doubt that

I speak in ancient foreign tongues, deep tones, and forgotten frequencies

Know we are all on the same page

So let us be eager to meet fate over the event horizon

and to reminisce the very passing of this moment

For I come to you once more in patient understanding

Tired, Hungry, & Worn

I wish to convey my gratitude to you all

For opening your homes as the temples they are

And for feeding our hearts

And in lending your present attention

Thank YOU for your courage to show up as you are!

“Oh!

How yooouuu’s

have moved meeee’s

to tears of such joy & beautiful sorrow”

I love you simply for this effort, NO LESS

Despite whether these notions

go henceforth unrequited

Ashe, Ashe, Ashe

I speak to you from the seat of the burning lotus in my heart,

unfurling & crumbling away to reveal the diamond center

Breathe this in for a moment …

As I will beg of you this next boone,

Hold this emptiness in mind

I speak to you clearly from the mouth of the universe

experiencing you and itself through the ether

and through the tongue of my mother

…

If you knew the origins of some diamonds

understanding the weight they carried

from the darkened roads they wandered

would you still choose to behold them?

The Blood Sacrifice

committed by the thousands

just to bring them to you?

Does their darkness still allow you to gaze upon them

with gently impassioned eyes?

Do you quiver in understanding?

Or do you simply choose to look away?

…

We have all spoken of this concept

in duality & divinity

with regards to

how the creation of language

incepted the idea of separation

from the sounds of the universe

ancient and sometimes lost on us…

But as I scribe in scribbles & glyphs

speaking these scrappy prose mantras

to no one & nothing at all

but the rivers, bogs, birds, winds,

moss and trees,

silly flowers, indigo skies,

empty rooms, tired eyes,

and sweet supple darkness

Still holding this concept of emptiness

understanding the complex paradox of simplicity

(In that)

I am merely bearing witness to the universe,

In it’s attempt to understand, learn, and teach.

Mirrored & Empty

Howlin’ n’ hollerin’ into voids n’ echo chambers

…

Have you ever truly gazed upon Fibonacci’s sequences

in their myriad fractal’d exhibitions?

(If this should be too much.

then speak now

leave if you must

as I will beg of you this next boone)

…

“Unflinching is the arrow that aims at brahman”

And truly we was born with the blessings

of deities and fates

cursed to suffer

the afflictions of misunderstandings & pain

in accepting time’s unforgiving nature

until we realize

we are

no longer

But in all this time,

Where were the deities and demigods?

Where were your gods when Rome finally fell

And they sought to squander the universal lessons

of “god’s” wandering daughters and sons?

Where was the holy spirit abiding

in fierce compassion and protection?

when they murdered the people of Palestine

Martyrs now by the millions

Children crushed by the unrelenting destruction,

Born again Desolation’s Angels

From certain doom beneath the dusty rubble,

Devasting

Haunting

The curdling cries of the mothers

Caressing tattered flesh n’ bone

The fathers wailing bowed over the silken veil

of their families, gone cold now

as they kiss “god’s” forehead

just one more time…

Where are the archangels of christianity?

in the mountains & mines of the Congo,

or the bloody rivers of Syria,

& the starving desert sands of Sudan?

…

“Hiraeth”

…

As we sit here

in the privilege

to gesticulate, philosophize, and prophesize

They will host THE GREAT

bread & circus

in colosseums & press conferences

Yelling & Waving

Their bloodstained hands

Pounding their hearts of hatred

to anger & distract

as They

continue to commit evil deeds

…

Extra! Extra!

This just in! :

“Louisianna officers coerced and kidnapped

over a hundred homeless folx

into an unheated warehouse

costing $17.5M”

While most everyone else enjoyed the SUPERbowl

To this I say,

“FUCK your law

&

FUCK your order,

FUCK your sport’s-hall TV gods n’ gladiators

&

FUCK your borders”

BITE THE HAND THAT BLEEDS YOU

For “everything I live for is being dismantled before me”

Though, this notion gives me hope:

“When Freedom is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will be free”

And this too shall be true.

So then,

What is the cost of freedom to stand on stolen land,

When your foundations lie upon mountains of bones?

…

Indeed is brahman still present?

In the mass-graves of unlabeled souls

out among the killing fields,

In the black death peasant bones

within french catacombs,

In the ghouls wandering the streets

of age old inquisitions,

So to in the carrion crows

Flown over Nagasaki and Fukushima,

Once more even in the railyard ghosts,

haunting the hallowed grounds of Auschwitz?

…

Is not this wrathful vengeance but the will of the gods?

Executed by demons & angels of mankind.

Oh, how cruel

Are the fates & greedy gods

…

Ah, there you are, SHIVA,

destroyer of worlds

&

KALI, be-header of man,

How beautifully daunting is your great mushroom cloud.

…

I beg of you this boone, Oh death

Spare us for but a little longer…

—

Indeed I have rejected such psuedo-psychological neo-spiritual notions and efforts

to simplify, define, or otherwise categorize

such energetic understandings of the human experience.

Simply put, it is too complex to not appreciate

All the way down & out

to the quantum scale

I’ve questioned, listened, and

Indeed the more I learned

the funnier & more trivial & even beautifully painful

It is to to behold

The Universal Hall of Mirrors

In you, everyone, and all fractals & sacred geometry

But in so learning & doing

Have you ever gazed into a strangers eyes in hiraeth

and witnessed the familiar & comforting essence

of eons pass by as if a dream?

…

Could you still bare witness to the beauty of diamonds

when the lover who beholds you truly,

in that great moment of release & tender ecstasy,

seizes

only to see the light leave their eyes rolling back

pure white convulsing,

empty of consciousness

screaming & stiff

In the back of the mind waiting for them to hurt you again too,

As they go

silent & cold

Knowing the only option within your power,

Is to bare witness,

Try as you might,

To hold space & breathe

Life into them

Over n’ Over again,

Realize this moment,

these moments,

Are all there is.

With no promise of tomorrow,

would you still

call out to them as mad & lonely

as the loon,

simply to give love away

even if your efforts are unrequited?

Would you still be able to see yourself in them and god?

…

If I were the illusory stranger you just met

in the cemetery

&

in the distance

howls our steaming screamer,

our coming train

&

without so much more

than a glance & a silent

“YES? NOW?”

Will you run barefoot n’ screamin’

To jump aboard

not knowing “where to?”

nor for “how long?”

…

If I were the clenched fist of

love & rage, sickness & pain

raised by the father

in tenderness & tension

before the face of your mother

before the face of your brother

before you even,

would you still choose

to act on the moment

seizing the opportunity

to push yourself

beyond your previous conceptions

armed with love & fierce compassion?

would you still hold space for understanding

in the face of such

Anger & Suffering

Overcoming adversity

&

Choosing to love them

despite it all

Abiding in the understanding

of how important it is

Choosing to bare witness, listen, & then

engage with suffering

Over n’ Over again?

…

Certainly it is when love leaves us

Finally we may notice gods absence

&

the inherent emptiness in the fractal’d void.

…

Thank you, for freeing me of my bondage,

Shackled are the slaves to love.

…

Praying for karmic resolution

I know not what compels my soul

to speak in this way

But

With the certain knowledge

of my immanent demise

in the uncertain event horizon

I feel it important

to write & speak

as if this is the first & last time

I may ever get to

Though it may be

tiresome & unnecessary to some

confusing & unwelcomed to others

difficult & vulnerable discourse

needs to happen for our evolution

so i beckon you to continue

to reach past the limitations

of capacities & energies

for this loving understanding

at every opportunity

For This Is

the rhapsody of beautiful rapture

The rapture of beautiful rhapsodies

…

I speak to you from the healing inner child

actively alchemizing all this

into samsara songs

“I ain’t no fuckin savior,

I ain’t no wrathful deity,

Though I have died a thousand deaths,

I ain’t no-body nor no-thing”

And yet

I am

still here to

exist

unapologetically raw,

Offer familiar understanding

Freely give & experience love

in the face of adversity,

as a cosmic conjurer of

fierce compassion n’ loving resistance

This magic I invoke is

tangible & palpable

in this moment & beyond

…

Truly it may be that

No

I don’t believe in nothin no mo’

but

I hope you will all meet me

and

challenge my conceptions & confusion

as I have yours

in open consideration

and

without judgement.

For I know nothing.

I am merely a student,

in your temple,

seeking shelter and wisdom,

companionship through the dogged night.

…

Dear Teachers, I wish you to stay

(Though I know you must go)

Dearest Darlings, the road once again calls to us,

the hour grows late,

the conditions treacherous & fraught

with certain peril,

and if you should find it dark and foreboding ahead,

and you can no longer see,

as the lamplight dims & flickers,

and you are utterly alone,

with no more hope or certainty,

knowing as you have before,

you are doomed,

to slip off that shoulder again,

Staring into sweet darkness,

Singing softly & low

No, I will not go quiet unto those icey winds.

I invite you to slow down,

even abandon your practice,

forget the path,

and do it all over again n again n again,

break your promises,

break your vows,

to find out what they really mean,

rest when you must,

but push yourself further knowing

even if its the last thing you do

you must make it home.

I pray you invite the thought of me

through that door

time & again

to remind you

that you can indeed

without a doubt

press-on down the path

despite all odds & understanding,

tumbling on when the cosmic winds of change

call you on to new horizons

to bare witness to beautiful moments

getting caught up as you begin

to bask again in loving embrace

of that old cattle-fence.

And if you should forget all of this & that you even knew my name

Then rejoice!

I will speak to you then as you once have to me,

“Ah, there you are”

silly little flowers

Let us hop on that train

Face our fears in taking “that chance”

To participate once more

In life’s dance

with darkness

And there we will be

swaying & bouncing

in the gardens

of the mind & soul

Spinning our hearts out howling to the moon

“Hey, you”

I pray you may receive these blessings

To me they are “love notes from the hollow tree

and I hope they haunt you as they have me”

…

What else is there?

When the nature of all things is unyieldingly impermanent?

Of this notion I am reminded in every moment

As the last mantra the strangel C.S. left me with was this:

“The mountains are my bones,

The rivers my veins,

The forests are my thoughts,

and the stars are my dreams.

The ocean is my heart,

It’s pounding my pulse.

The songs of the earth

Write the music of my soul”

-unknown

…

So,

See in love

with adoring eyes

An unfurling heart

and a quiet mind.

As we leave this temple & place in time

I offer you each

Three Boones

to ask of me

if you ever feel called in the future

…

Now

if I should fail,

or die,

or prevail,

my fate is yours to bare

“hiraeth”

For

“ ‘Tis the highway or the hangman’s rope for me!”

As I have stolen gods quantum dice

And gone a ramblin n’ gamblin

And though I’ve hit a lucky streak,

I am bound as a Railyardghost

Rattlin’, Ramblin’, Ravin’, n’ Rovin’

In the hallowed railroad earth

doomed to repeat this;

I will one day have to settle up again.

So see me no more

As I make myself quiet & humbled,

before you but a blind dharmabum in the streets

or on your old porch stoop.

Would you still spare me a loving boone then dear friend?

…

I shall endeavor to see you soon!

&

GOD DAMN IT,
I LOVE YOU

…

“Fuck, Scrap, you’re drunknrambling again.

Go to bed.”

…

Zephyr Nicolae